


i'm so heavy in your arms

by ievaxol



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, M/M, i am apparently incapable of writing longer fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:52:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4590285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ievaxol/pseuds/ievaxol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It against the cliffs Arthur falls apart, nowhere else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm so heavy in your arms

It against the cliffs Arthur falls apart, nowhere else. He presses his lips against the cold rocks and counts backwards from ten, prays as the salt cracks his skin and slips inside to rest snugly against his bones. It is perfect because this way the hurt can grind against him whenever he moves, remind him of what selfishness feels like.

He comes back home and hangs up his coat as usual, narrowly avoids tripping over the cat and starts making dinner; pasta for one, meatballs for one, for one person only recipes wrapped in cast down glances and apologetic mouths. Arthur keeps his back ramrod straight and eats in silence, purposefully refusing to wait until the food cools down. The loneliness is almost tangible and he swallows it down like he’s starving, a sole survivor in a flat where the colours wash away with the setting sun, where the bed is always untouched on the right side - Arthur walks from the bed to the kitchen to the bed.

They all gave up on him, eventually, Alasdair the last one to slam his door with a snarl and words like a spear; “you never deserved him anyway.” Arthur is quite content with it that way because Matthew was always the brighter one, bringing home quilted pillows and odd mugs with chipped ends, filling his mouth with love and laughter. It feels like justice to have them all go because Arthur knows what he did, remembers all too well the way Matthew twisted his hands when the strain of loving was too much, when Arthur couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth and just set things right.

Matthew woke up early and went to bed late and loved like he didn’t have a choice and Arthur was a leaking glass leaving dirt all over the floors Matthew scrubbed again and again; a vicious cycle of loving and not loving enough. So when Matthew slams the door Arthur goes down to the ocean because the waves roar louder than his head, a primal force of nature he doesn’t have to decipher or understand.

Matthew deserves better, Arthur tells himself and pretends his heart isn’t heavy, that he buys the orange juice for him and not in the hopes of Matthew coming back.

No one could be that stupid.

**Author's Note:**

> /squints at screen/ why am i incapable of writing fics longer than 600 words what is the matter with me


End file.
